cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
