i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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