Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
