dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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