Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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