that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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