marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
