if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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