like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
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she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
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fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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