omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I came so hard my ears popped.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize