So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
