you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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