I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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