you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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