can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
