fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
