yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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