your parents love me but you hate me
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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