I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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