i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
