I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I wear drunk well.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
