please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
