note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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