I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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