i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
