Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
