Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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