wat bout pragnant strippers??
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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