your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
