From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
