I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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