The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
