Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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