u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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