This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
