too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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