She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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