I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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