All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
