I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
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It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
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When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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