I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
