I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
