i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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