How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
