ya dads aren't the best wingmen
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
