I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
