She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
