if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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