end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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