Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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