Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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