If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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