Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
