Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
These tits shall not be calmed
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
