Just cropdusted the office
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
