Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
