I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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