She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
