I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
