the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I lost the right to judge tonight
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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