i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
