i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
