he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
