i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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