i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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