He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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