i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
