all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
