Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
