he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
third nipple confirmed
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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