So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
