ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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