Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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