I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
