can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's never too late to be topless.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
